Screw you, Congress.

You all probably know what is going on in Washington DC where our congress is fighting over a solution to our country's debt situation and how social security benefits is on the chopping block. Republicans want to cut the benefits and Democrats refuse to because they know that there are millions of people who are struggling financially and can't even afford to pay for our own health insurance.Some of you might think I am lazy but I'm not. I receive disability benefits because I am still in school and my job doesn't pay very much, just enough to pay my bills and buy food. The benefits are being threatened to be halted on August 3rd if they don't come up with a deal by then. When I heard about all of this from a friend, the first thing on my mind was, "how the hell am I going to pay for my bills at my new house if my benefits are going to be halted?" It scares me because I was set on keeping my benefits til I finished school and got a good paying job and it looks like now I'm getting screwed over by the congress. I even considered on quitting school to just get another job to help pay for whatever needs to be paid for but John talked me out of it. He said it was very important to me that I stay in school and that he would help me even if it meant him getting a 2nd job. You know what is funny? I used to have faith in this country and that it would get thru a recession like it did with the great depression but that faith is starting to fade away. All I have left is my hope and faith in God and that He'll be there for me whenever something like this happens. Screw you Congress. I don't need you to ruin my life by telling me that you are taking my benefits. Go ahead, take it away. I hate you, Republicans, more than Democrats because all you care about is your money and refuse to have millionaires taxed while most of us people in general have to pay high taxes. Millionaires being taxed would help us out big time and by the way, stop spending money on damn oil and wars. Democrats, don't think that I'm going easy on you....you also have made mistakes of spending billions and billions of our money on stuff we don't even need and guess what? Both of your parties have bought us into this debt and it's your responsibility to get us out of this. Don't tell us how to spend our own money and stop playing the blaming game! Y'all are pointing fingers at each other....and you know that your other 4 fingers are pointing back to you! We elected you guys to do your jobs for us and guess what? You'll be voted out next year! Screw you Congress. I have God on my side and I ain't worried about it.




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Forgiving Can Be Hard Sometimes

As you know, I'm a sexual assault survivor and still check on my offender's status while he's serving time in prison every now and then. He was sent to prison for 12 years. Well, I was checking it tonight when I saw the parole date and my stomach dropped to the ground. He's supposed to be up for parole next year in August. I have mixed feelings and don't know what I would do if he does get out early. I forgave him but haven't forgotten what he has done to me and how it changed me forever. Because of him, I'm still afraid to go out at night alone and always make sure that my door is locked and my windows are still covered up so no one can peek into my home. I also learned to be a stronger person and defend myself if someone were to attack me. It's been 5 years since it happened and I'm better than I was back then but still feel some anger or sadness once in a while. Guess it's part of life and the process after a traumatic situation. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a baseball game when I saw someone who was a part of the sexual assault meaning that he was asleep in bed next to me when it happened. He was my offender's cousin and did some things that made me very angry at him for a long time. He lied to the cops and told them that it never happened when I know it did. He acted like I was a crazy loon and avoided me. When I saw him at the game for the first time in 5 years, I saw red. I mean, red, like I wanted to go after him and beat him up. He was with his wife and it made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to go up to her and tell her what kind of person her husband was and not the person who she thinks he is. He didn't see me at first and walked right by me. I sat there staring at him and wanted to do something to hurt him. I don't know why but I did. Then you know what I did? I prayed silently to God and asked him to give me the strength and patience to get through the game without killing him and He did help me. I started to feel calm after a while but still concerned about him sitting a few rows behind me. I think he saw me and left before I could see him. It's pretty sad that he's a coward and still won't face me 5 years later. It's kinda funny that I forgave my own rapist but haven't forgiven his cousin yet. It's hard for me to forgive him right now. He was a firefighter and I trusted him to protect me but he didn't do that. I hated Amarillo firefighters for a long time after that night and to this day, I still do because of him. I do hope that I'll find the strength in my heart to forgive him someday because I know God would want me to do so. It won't be easy carrying that anger and sadness in your heart for the rest of your life so it's best to let it go and move on. It'll take me a little more time before I can do that, hopefully not for a long time. Forgiving is harder than you think it is. Only God can help me change.

What Does My Future Hold?

I've been thinking about school and my future in general lately. I have one more semester left til I graduate this Fall with my associate's degree and I've been wondering if it's time for me to try and get a part time job as a graphic designer. I'm tired of working dead end jobs for the past few years now and it's gotten me nowhere really to be honest. I want to get started with my career and continue to work on my bachelor's degree. That's all I want to do for now. My current job is alright but I feel like I'm missing out on the fun in the graphic design world and want to get involved in something that has a meaning for me in my life. Well, all I can do is pray and hope that everything turns out well for me. I don't want to be stuck unhappy with my job and life in general for the rest of my life, you know? Things might not turn out the way I want them to but I do have faith that I'll graduate and find a job eventually. That's how life is. It works out on its own with God's help. :)



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NYC plans

Just wanted to give you an update on my planning for my NYC trip. So far, I have bought plane tickets for me and John to fly to Newark, NJ from Dallas. I decided to do that flight route because it was cheaper and it cost too much to fly from Amarillo to Newark. Newark is only 15 miles away from the city so we will ride to our hotel from the airport. We did reserve a hotel which is located very close to Times Square and I'm super excited about it! It'll be so neat to walk around and see stuff in that city. A couple of weeks ago, John bought tickets for us to go see a broadway and a Rockette show. He let me pick which show I want to see and I picked Wicked! I'm a Wizard of Oz geek, lol. The cool thing about broadways in NYC is that I can get an interpreter or an caption device to tell me what is being said during the show. Gotta love NYC for caring about deaf people!! That's all we have paid for so far. 
We still have a few things to do such as buying extra plane tickets to fly to Dallas from Amarillo so we can stay overnight at a hotel and then leave in the morning for the airport and buying passes to help save some money on places we will go see. I'm planning to reserve tickets for us to be able to get inside the Statue of Liberty and visit Ellis Island. It costs about $16 per person which isn't too bad like I thought it would be and hopefully we will be able to get inside. They let a certain number of people so I'll try my best to get reservations. We'll save extra for food, souvenirs, etc. That's all I can think of for now. Man, I'm so excited that I can hardly believe that the trip is in a few months! :) 

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