Are Some Friends Worthy to Keep?

Just thought I could write a blog about some experiences I've had with people who I consider my good friends and others who I thought were my friends but they aren't. Growing up, I had some friends who I had known since I was in preschool and we were pretty close like brothers and sisters. We would fight, laugh, and cry together. Over the years, I started to see their true colors and we all ended up going different ways in our lives, never being the best friends we were in elementary school again. It was sad but at the same time, I'm glad that I learned the hard way to see who my true friends were because I've been lied to, backstabbed, and made fun of. There's one friend who I considered one of my greatest best friend in the world and we were like sisters. I would tell her everything and trusted her. We were doing good til we got to middle school and it all changed. She started to change and tried hard to be popular and fit in. I was one of those school geeks who studied all the time and did athletics to keep myself busy. I was made fun of by her and she turned my friends against me. She lied a lot and betrayed me. It hurt a lot, I mean A LOT. We were friends on and off for a long time and by the time we were in high school, it got a lot worst. She would be my friend one day and the next day, she would shun me for no reason. She would tell me that I was ugly and would never get a boyfriend so I needed to change so I could attract boys. My gosh, it stung me....my own best friend telling me I was ugly. When I look back, I think, "what was I thinking? She wasn't a true friend!" After a few years, we reconciled but the old wounds were still there emotionally and mentally inside me. She never really apologized for how she treated me and all those things she said to hurt my feelings. She acts as if nothing happened and that I was the one who hurt her which I didn't understand why she would think that when she was the one who did the damage. Well it's the past and I learned to let go but sometimes it comes back to me whenever she talks about me not being a good friend. I had been there for her as a friend and it felt like she bit me in the butt and took me for granted. Whatever. The other day, she came over to visit me and we were talking about my wedding and where I was thinking about having it at. She asked me if I was having it at my church and I said no. She was like, "Good. I don't like the church and if your wedding was there, I won't show up." When she said that, it was like a knife going through my heart and my perception of her as a friend changed. Her status from best friend downgraded to a.....stranger. That's the best word I can describe her because that's not the friend I once knew and trusted. I don't hate her....I still care about her as a friend but I can't take any more of how she treats me and says things that hurt me. A true friend would never say that she won't show up for your wedding just because she hated your church. I've been asking myself if she is this worthy to keep as a friend? Honestly, I don't know anymore. I also wonder what would God say about this situation? I learned in church today that love is patient and kind and that if people judge or say anything to hurt you, you got to be patient, accept it, and forgive them. I forgive her but still ask myself if she is really worthy to keep as a friend for life? I don't know the answer to the question. If anyone reads this blog, you can put comments on here or give me advices on what to do in this kind of situation. I'm happy to listen and take any kind of advice. It's not easy finding out who your friends really are.  :(

My Dream Trip

It's May and I'm supposed to go on my dream trip to New York City in 7 months. Sure, I'm excited but at the same time, I'm afraid that something would come up and put an end to that dream trip of mine. Lately, I've been struggling financially and it has taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally. As some of you might know, I had been saving up for the trip and so far, I have over $1,000 dollars. I need another $1,500 before I can actually have enough to pay for the plane ticket, hotel room, and other stuff to do while I'm up there. My hours at work were cut in half pretty much and it is starting to worry me that I would not be able to go because my paychecks don't really help. I need them to pay for my bills, food, and gas like everyone else does. At some times, I feel like crying, you know? No one understands how bad I want to go. I've been wanting to go since I was a kid. It's like I've been working so hard to make a dream come true only to come to a point where I see it fading now due to financial problems. Heck, I asked around to see if there was anything I could to earn some money and no one seems to care. Someone told me, "ohh you're gonna be a busy girl, huh?" and it made me feel like I was being made fun of or something. Only if those people knew how much I wanted to go. I have a big framed picture of New York City's skyline hanging on the wall at home and I always look at it, picturing myself standing along the river looking in awe at such an amazing sight of the city and its lights. Whenever I have a bad day, I'll look up at it and tell myself that I can always go there and have a good time there rather than deal with a bad day. You know, I had a list of why I want to go there. I had planned to go there during Thanksgiving week this year because I wanted to see New York in the fall, my favorite season, and of course, the famous Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. Here's the list:

1. Ride on the subways (never been on one before so it would be an exciting experience for me)

2. Go see the Statue of Liberty and get inside. I would love to come back and tell everyone that I was inside Lady Liberty's head, lol.

3. Head over to Ellis Island to visit the place where my ancestors from my dad's side came through when they immigrated from Italy. My sister went there 2 years ago and said there was a list of people who came through there on a plaque so I want to see my own ancestors' names on the list.

4. Go to the Empire State Building and look at the great view of the entire city from such a high level. Yes, I'm terrified of heights so I won't actually go over the edge, lol but I want to see that view. I remember one scene from Sleepless in Seattle where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet for the first time at the top of Empire State Building and I thought it was a sweet thing to do. That's what made me want to see the building and share it with John. :)

5. Try New York City's food, of course, who doesn't?? I would love to go to Little Italy and have me some New York style pizza! Also would love to grab a hot dog from one of those stands they have in the streets of New York.

6. This might be a sad thing to do but I want to go to Ground Zero and pay my respects. It'll be 10 years after  9/11 that I'll be up there and I don't know what to expect once I'm in the WTC area. I also thought to myself, "why don't I go find a fire station somewhere in the city and thank those firefighters who survived the attacks for risking their lives to save others?" I thought I could do that...I mean, I was touched by what they did on 9/11 and wanted to thank them for a long time.

7. Times Square. How can any other place beat that? I would LOVE to see all those lights and billboards they have on the buildings. I've seen on tv where they have closed captions on the big tv screens. I want to stand in Times Square watching the news in cc and be in awe. My mom said that you can see the New Year's Ball too, pretty cool, huh?

8. Go see a broadway play and the best part of it, you can ask for an interpreter! How awesome is that? I would get to enjoy my first broadway in New York with the help of an interpreter!

9. Go over to Hoboken, NJ which is across the Hudson River from New York City to pay a visit to Carlo's Bakery which some of you might be familiar with from the show, "Cake Boss". I love that show and drool over the desserts the bakery makes. I would love to try those delicious looking desserts!

10. Take a long walk around Central Park. I know it'll beat John Stiff Park and Media Park here in Amarillo. I hear they have a zoo in there so it would be neat to see a zoo in the middle of a huge park!

11. Go on a little cruise around the city and see the skyline at night. Would be a better view for me than my own framed picture of the New York skyline, lol.

12. Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Now that's something I've always wanted to see since I was a kid. I remember getting up early every year on Thanksgiving morning to watch the parade. I would like to stand in Times Square and see the parade with giant balloons and performers up front.

13. If I ever have time while my week up there, I would like to walk by Yankee Stadium wearing my Texas Rangers gear just to diss the Yankee fans. Heck, I think the whole city would want to kill me, lol.

14. Go to Rockefeller Center to visit the Top of the Rock which is higher than Empire State Building itself (May God help me face my fear of heights up there) and see the famous ice skating rink. I don't think I'll ice skate though because I'm horrible!! Lol.

15. Take a tour in the NBC studios. Would like to see how tv shows and other things are done at NBC.

16. Go shopping at Macy's. Never been in that store before so it should be interesting.

17. There are tons of other things I would like to do so the list would be endless. So I will end this list with one more reason why I want to go to New York City. I had some ancestors from my mom's side of family that helped found New York City back in the 1500s. So part of me is from there in a way and it would be like returning to my roots in one of the places that created America.

Now that's a lot of amazing things you've heard about why I want to go to New York City so bad. This is going to be a hard road for me to earn some money to pay my trip off. If anyone is reading this, I want to tell you that I'll do anything (except bad things that is) to earn and save some money like babysitting, walking dogs, or whatever. If you ever need help and are willing to pay for it, I can work and help you. You can contact me through Facebook and let me know. I know I sound desperate but I thought I could try and give it a shot by writing this blog and getting it out to people. Well, thanks for listening to me and hope you enjoyed reading this.